As we settle in to 2021 I have had many conversations with women around this specific feeling. They feel like they are failing and because of that they believe they are a weak mind and are useless. The truth is, often these women are not failing at all. In fact they are doing the best they can with the tools that they have and the tools that they are learning about.
How we do one thing is how we do everything. There are a few different personality types that struggle with thoughts of failing and not being enough. These women have amazing goals, but They get in THEIR OWN WAY. They SABOTAGE themselves and think it is because of someone else or their circumstances. [IF ONLY my partner helped more. IF ONLY the world would go back to the way it was...]
1 The first example is "the unfinished woman". Just like an unfinished bridge this applies to areas of her life whether it be work projects that never seem to get done. Consistency in follow through in parenting. Being able to plan for meals and create routine at home with predictability. In her relationships, conflict is never fully approached. Instead it is the need to quickly move away from the discomfort and avoid by doing other "important thoughts or tasks". Never really wanting to address the issue at hand. This creates feelings of incomplete, not enough and failing at life.
2. The other example is the "clutter bug woman" We wiill find that the common thread is clutter in the home, clutter in the office, clutter in the car, clutter in their emails/social media. This can cause disorganization, panic, fear of letting go and always feeling like they are in a fog because their brain can not rest with all the clutter noise around them. It also shows up in their relationships because they try to fill it with over scheduling, being busy causing a lot of chaos and overwhelm.
3. Then there is the [lala land woman] Indecisive, procrastinator. This is not so visible to the naked eye, but you will see it comes out in their planning skills. Not making decisions until the very last minute such as what to make for meals then being frazzled trying to pull it together. Waiting to the last minute to get a project done for work. In relationships they often seem indecisive until they are forced to make a decision, whether it be in parenting, friendships or romantic relationships.
4. Then there are the "go getter woman." Nothing can be done fast enough. They ask for something and expect it to be done right away.... Like yesterday right away. This can come across as aggressive in parenting/relationships. It can come off a poor leadership in the work force, or an overstepping of the job description. They expect instant change. They listen to fix, vs listen to understand.
I don't say this to cast stones. I say this to challenge you. To look inwards. Nothing can begin changing unless we address ourselves, our habits, our beliefs first. A great question I heard posed in a round table discussion recently was "If I were to hire you, and then three months later I laid you off, why would I do that?" This FORCED me NOT to think of my greatest weakness I have, but to look at myself internally and really dig deep as to why a client would lay me off. I am number 4. Sure you may know your weakest points, but do you know what you would get fired for? What if we looked at ourselves the way an employer would look at us? Would you hire you? How are you managing your home/family/work/relationships? Are you doing the work of one person or 10 people?
When we look at ourselves with employer eyes, we can see where we are "failing" without judgement. We can see where we are needing to improve. Through an employers eyes we start seeing where we can fill the gaps. Where we can give support. We all know that a great employer leads by example and if s/he sees an employee struggling they will work along that employee to ensure success. Maybe its realizing that the company has grown really fast and now an assistant is needed or an equal party to share the responsibility. Maybe it's creating a whole new division. Maybe it's adding another service that will alleviate the needs of the client. Or maybe, someone needs to be fired in order to make room for change.
We women are not failing in 2020/2021. We have been forced into jobs that have never been meant for us to work. Now is about creating a "new normal". That doesn't mean doing it alone. That means looking at it like an employer. The company has changed. The job description has change so you CAN NOT continue doing things like you used to. It doesn't work that way so why are you beating yourself up? The truth is there are so many options out there.
For the unfinished woman, by simply block booking her calendar in order to keep her on task to ensure tasks get finished she will reveal non-negotiable from her negotiable. She can create a little more ease in her daily life that will leave her feeling complete at the end of each day instead feeling unfinished.
The clutter bug woman can easily implement 30 min - 1hr a day to clearing the clutter so that her mind can start calming, think clearly and be able to prioritize what needs to be done. Filling the mind with positivity instead of noise. This helps by letting go of things that no longer serve them and leaves room for new experiences, new adventures or gifts to be cherished and not feel like they have to be rushed all the time. There is calm.
Thirdly the lala land woman. Getting clear on values and priorities will help set boundaries which then allows them to see the gaps of where support is needed. When they are clear on values and priorities it becomes easy to stick to timelines, keep to expectations and not feel like they are up against a wall every day. Instead they know what they want, how to get it and how to stick to it.
Finally the go getter woman. The woman that feels she is the only one to get things done. When she adopts the eyes of an employer she can see what tasks she needs to delegate, ask for assistance with and even hire out and yes even fire so that she can spend her time where it matters. This allows these woman to breathe. To stop. To put themselves on the totem pole instead of under the dirt.
It is not failing to not be able to do ALL the things. It is not weakness either. What it is, is strength. Strength to know what you are good at, what you thrive at, what you enjoy. Sure there will always be tasks that you don't prefer, but when you are able to really look at yourself and ask. "what would I be fired for". It becomes getting real with yourself and knowing that you ARE doing a kick ass job at most of your responsibilities. Its knowing that you CAN NOT be ALL the things. NO ONE can. You wouldn't ask a teacher to be a cardiologist. Just like you wouldn't expect a psychologist to know how to be a mechanic. It is wisdom to know when to ask for or to hire help. It is wisdom to know that when the game and rules change, you also have to change and do things differently. All the guru's out there surround themselves with a team of professionals to do the jobs that they do not know, or that they are not good at. They know where their time is best spent. It's time you start acknowledging where your time is best spent. Is it being a mom and teacher? Or is it being a mom and professional. Being a entrepreneur and house cleaner? Or being an Entrepreneur and wife? Cook and story teller? The list is endless, but its knowing who you are, what matters to you, what your boundaries are and what you're best at. All the rest.... That can be supported, delegated or hired out. It is time for you to put yourself on the map. This world has changed. Isn't it time you do to?
Jodi Harty CLC, CHC, RMT, CST2, SER,1 Reiki Master
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