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Choosing Words, Doing Resolutions May Be Harming You

Its amazing that in the five short years since I began this healing and recovery life how much my news feed has transformed. My feed used to be filled with mom updates, from all the mom groups, some massage posts as I followed certain amazing clinics. Some energy healing posts but mostly it was family orientated of what people I knew were up to. I had MAYBE 300-500 contacts. Now, almost every post is coaching related, self growth and full of "choose your word for the year, what are your goals for 2023, what goals did you accomplish in 2022." I actually have INTENTIONALLY NOT jumped on this band wagon. Even though the majority of business coaches, and coaches say "you have to be ready because people are eager to spend their money on themselves. Have your New Years sales ready to go BEFORE New Years. Sell it so you can get to work right after New Years." Now I have almost maxed of 5000 contacts and the coaching realm is DOMINATING my feed.

I don't remember WHEN I decided to discard New Years resolutions, but I do remember it was around the time when "words for the new year" started to come out. Five years ago I had a five year plan. Continue working at the clinic I was at, build my cliental, learn the administration, build more contacts of amazing "healers" in the alternative field and then open my own place. I had the name back then. Elements of Wellness. Fast forward to today and Elements of Wellness came to life and is living. It is NOT how I envisioned. All the resolutions/words could not have helped for what myself and family had to rebuild. Now, it is home based, coaching for grief/trauma/overwhelm. Casually doing hands on signature treatments of massage. When my schedule aligns with kids, life and all the above, I teach reiki. It is not the wellness centre I envisioned... I do not have a few other therapists or aestheticians working for me... If I jumped on the band wagon and was making sales pitches, choosing words, resolutions... I would not be working in my integrity to help those who need it most. I would be taking advantage. You see when you have deep trauma that you are still healing from, when you are in the deepest part of grief... Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving... All those milestone markers in the year can be EXTREMLY difficult... Or they can be smooth sailing... You never know when its going to hit. My mom used to say "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". Healing is not linear. It is circular with wavy lines of dips, valleys and highs. For me, I will always be healing, I will always be in this circle and I prepare for my success just like I teach clients. I intentionally slow down. I intentionally make plans and distractions where I believe I will need them and I intentionally have an exit plan if I need one. This is just one of the reasons why I do not sell when others are.

43% of people who make a New Years resolution FAIL by February. 43%! How much wasted investment for those that invested in gyms, personal trainers, meal plans, business coaching, life coaches etc? It can be $50-$100000's pending on the person. There is a reason why the health industry is so lucrative. Some are saying "ok, well that's still more than 50% of people succeeding." WRONG. Only 9% by the next year will have stuck to their resolutions. Less than 10%. Many coaches will say. "I'm not wanting the 91%. I'm wanting the 10%. Which is true we all only want the 10% because contrary to what many coaches state. Our ego does come into it. If our clients are constantly not successful, then eventually that is a reflection on us and how we are as a coach. Five years ago I had a choice. I could lay in my hospital bed and do nothing, or I could start moving what I was allowed to so that my recovery would be faster. I chose the latter because of my girls. My goal was to get home to them so I could hold them, so I could grieve with them, so they could sleep in my bed when their grief over their sister was too much. I HAD to get back to them. That wasn't a "resolution". That was who I was to my core. I was faced with a similar decision when I was released from the hospital 4 months later. 90% of patients regress in their recovery when they leave the hospital because they DO NOT keep implementing their recovery plan. Again, I looked at who I was and KNEW this could not be my life of walking with crutches and a cane forever. I kept up with the physiotherapy 5 days a week and I implemented rehabilitation yoga and later when I could, rehabilitation total body resistance. [TRX]. In yoga they teach you to have a "mantra". Meaning what you want out of each practice. My mantra never changed. To this day it has not changed when I do my pilates practice at home. "Restore, Regain, Recover." You see "resolutions" do not work when it is going against "who you are". But when you know who you are down to your core when EVERY title you have is stripped away, it is easy to discover what you want. Without knowing this first. EVERY Resolution you make has a high probability of not succeeding and not sticking. That is why in my coaching for grief, trauma and overwhelm, we focus on finding out who you are at your core. Without this piece.... I can give you all the best information... but if we don't know how to implement it so that it will work for you.... We both fail. Resolutions without self identity do not work.

Then that brings me to "words of the year. Have you picked one yet?" Is splashed all over my feed. I actually find myself taking more time away from social media because of this. It just makes me so frustrated for people. Words of the year have the same success rate as resolutions. However, I'm sure you have heard the phrase "what you put out there comes back 10 fold." That's not only a "manifestation" phrase, but it is also biblical. It repeatedly says that what you put out there will come back to you. two examples of this are Proverbs 26:27 and Psalms 7:16. Even in regards to tithing and charity. A google search shows a plethora of versus that teach this. Even "do unto others as you shall have them do to you." We are mirrors of each other and we get back what we give and the majority of the time it is with abundance whether that be a negative abundance or positive abundance.

I had a conversation approximately 6 months ago with another coach talking about words and she was able to put into words WHY I had a distaste for "words". When you choose a word for the year and you focus on that, the lessons from that word to fully embrace it must be prepared to have. [What you reap you will sow]. When you choose "grow" for example you can see all the positive intentions for it. You want it. It excites you and you're "ready to be stretched". However to understand "grow" and fully embrace it you also need to learn the opposite of what that word is. "Stagnant. Stuck. Failure to thrive." Yes what we put out there comes back to us, but in order to receive and recognize when it does come back, we must be willing to go through the trials that, that word has for us.

2020- 2022 has taught us A LOT about "acceptance". However, in order to learn exactly what acceptance is, we had to be stretched. We had to look at ourselves and dissect ourselves and for so many denying and holding strong to what they believed protected them. Kept them encased and safe.... but the MOMENT they allowed themselves to "accept" something was different, then for some, their whole foundations started cracking and when your foundations crack... you have no where to stand and you begin falling. You try to rebuild and restructure, all to begin a whole new learning curve because what used to work no longer does and you have to decide what pieces of your life/beliefs/values still ring true and serve you... And what you have to let go of. Sometimes that is people you know. Sometimes it's who you believe you are. Sometimes its a whole way of what you grew up being educated in... Sometimes it is your belief system in your faith that you have to let go of and accept something new.... That can be very scary, it can cause life crisis, it can cause trauma unveiling what your mind refused to see before. This is why I do not choose "words" or promote them in my coaching practice. They absolutely have the power to change a life and the trajectory of where you are going.... but often the person is NOT prepared to undergo the lessons of what that word actually means. A person is left feeling like they have nothing, that they have failed, that they no longer know themselves.... Words have power. More than what the majority of us give them credit for. If you are going to choose a word. Be wise about the the possible fires that you will have to go through in order to learn so you can claim it as your own. Are you ready for what is to come?

I mentioned earlier that my words for my healing were "Restore, Regain, Recover". It is who I am to my core. It is part of me. I know I will ALWAYS have to work at what my body is capable of doing, what it is not and what I will have to do constantly to maintain it. I had an appointment with ANOTHER 3rd party orthopaedic surgeon this last August. She assessed me for about 45min and her conclusion of me was "you will never stop, you will never just do nothing. You are not one of those people that give up. You will always strive for more than what you can do." Every goal I make has the restore, regain, recover engrained in it. When I think about my dream home that will be accessible and I can grow old in it safely while I teach, coach and practice in. While I bring my future grandchildren in and aging parents. When I think about about activities that I want to take up and do... It all encompasses the restore, regain and recover. Words, resolutions are powerful, but as the title says they can cause more harm than good. When 91% of people fail at them... What is the damage they are doing to you mentally by not completing them... By not embracing the lessons they have for you? Instead I encourage you this year, discover who you are to your core. Without all your titles of "mother/father/self employed/employee/house manager/pet owner/believer of a higher power, griever, survivor etc." Those are what you practice, and do.... That is not who you are to your core. Be vulnerable with yourself. Be vulnerable with those that can help you learn. THEN CLAIM IT and build upon it. Then you are not only being true to yourself and in alignment with your spirit, but you are being true to your loved ones by living in your integrity of what is important to you. That is something that you will ALWAYS succeed in and can not fail at when you embrace yourself to your very soul.

Jodi Harty. CLC, CHC, RMT, Reiki Master, CST2, SER1

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