Often we define ourselves by what we do, what we believe and we shape our identity around those titles/roles whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. Society says this is completely correct. Completely normal. I am saying it is all lies! We are not what our role is, what our experience is.
Often this can be confusing. I was a massage therapist of fifteen years. I was a mother of three. I was a divorcee and remarried. I had a christian belief. I defined myself by these titles, roles and beliefs. Feb 3 2018 literally stripped ALL of that away from me. [learn my story here if you do not know it. https://www.elementsofwellness.org/]. Without those titles/roles I had no idea who I was. I had no purpose... No reason for being. This forced me to re-evaluate who I was. Who was I when those titles no longer existed. When my faith was so shaken to its core that the foundations was turned to rubble. Who was I?
I want to ask you who YOU are? Do you know? Maybe you say "you are a woman of god." I will say that is what you choose to believe but that is not who you are. Maybe you say "I am fat". I would challenge you and say you are not fat. You have fat but YOU are NOT fat. Perhaps you believe you are a mother of 3 children.... This is a hard one to challenge but I will anyway. What if you woke up and your children no longer existed. Would you still be a mother of three? Would that still be a role that you are in? You see being a mother is a responsibility and a role. It is not who you are. No matter your walk in life. Whether you were abused, abandoned, manipulated, poor, wealthy, bankrupt.... That is not who you are. Those are life experiences but that is not who you are.
Recovering over the last 3 years I have identified myself as a grieving mother, daughter and granddaughter... But that is only an experience and feeling I have. When I was stripped of everything I knew, I had to rebuild my foundation. To be honest it is still being rebuilt one day, one month, one year at a time... Some times on the really hard days it's minute by minute. The emotions I feel are not who I am, and they are not who you are. However, they WILL have the power to dictate to use how we live our lives.
Lets use the story that many women tell themselves "I am fat". Now knowing that you are not fat but that you have fat, what story are you telling your mind? Your body? You are telling your mind that you are fat, so in turn, you are going to create an intention unconsciously to behave, think, and believe that you ARE fat. Some examples of that are, believing that there is bad food and good food. Not true [but that is for a different blog/conversation]. Having low confidence because we believe fat is not good... So we must be bad if we are not good. If we don't have confidence in ourselves, then we are less likely to put ourselves out there to be seen so we become more sedentary. We become more sedentary so we feel less energy, less energy means we hold down the couch more. Moving less means that we feel more body pain which then makes us more sedentary.... Now you have created a persona that you ARE fat and you believe, behave and think like someone who says THEY ARE FAT. I choose this example because it is easy to show the progression of how what we think dictates our actions our beliefs.
Lets look at something more complicated. Lets look at faith. No matter what you believe most people choose to believe is something that is greater than them. Most people will say, with out their belief they would be nothing. They wouldn't have a compass. They say " THIS IS WHO THEY ARE." I will challenge you and say... but what if one day you didn't have it? What if something drastically changed in the world, your life, your family and it was PROVEN that what you believed was not true? Or that what you experienced shattered your whole foundation that you could not bring yourself to believe in what you used to think was true? The easy thing for people would be, well that wouldn't happen, my faith would carry me through... But that is not what I am asking. I am asking WHO YOU ARE WITHOUT IT?" Speaking personally my believe system has been shredded and I had to start rebuilding what I believed and where all the pieces fit and what no longer applied. I discovered that I was NOT my faith.
Throughout the last 3 years I have discovered who I am. Who I am when all is stripped away and I am the only thing left. I am strong. My body has proven that with the healing that it was able to do. I am consistent. Recovery from these types are not easy and constant work, mind body and soul and my mind has proven I can be lasered in. I am forgiving. From the moment I woke up I was concerned about the man who did this to me and my family. I am honest. I made some horrible decisions in the first year, and I owned them when I realized how horrible or wrong I was. I have compassion. Pain is pain in my mind. No pain is greater or less from person to person. Their pain is individual to them and only they know what it feels like to them. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. I am loving. I have to be if I can forgive such horrors. I am a force to reckon with. This is me after only 3 years. Take away that first year because that first year is solely about physically reclaiming the body. Imagine what I will be like in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years! This is just the start.
So many women do not know who they are. In my coaching I help women discover and claim who they are. They want different, but don't even know who they are without their titles, their believes, their roles. That is why I call my complimentary call "start getting your hope back". https://www.elementsofwellness.org/bookings-checkout/start-getting-your-hope-back?referral=service_list_widget because so many women don't even know what their goals or dreams are anymore because they have gotten stuck in calling themselves their experiences and they have lost their foundation of who they are. You are so much more than your story. I am not my accident. I am not my faith. I am not my birth order. I am me and now I know who I am, where I am going and how I am going to get there. My dream for every woman is that they will know too.