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HOT MESS, STRESSED OUT MOM


I remember being that stressed out, hot mess mom. Three kids ages four to eleven. I remember not being able to have a TOTALLY CLEAN home. Always feeling like I was flying from one activity to another. Managing my career on top of trying to be the primary care giver because my husband worked out of town and never had a set schedule. I never knew for certain quite often when he was going to be home, and when I would have help. I remember feeling like I didn’t have a community or a tribe that I could reach out to for help because if I did, I would feel like I was failing; I felt like there was no one available to help because other moms where just like me…. Surviving and who was I to add to their burdens.

I didn’t know I was considered apart of a community and had I just asked for help…. If I would have just reached out, help would be there. I didn’t know that there was better ways to manage my stress rather than deep breathing [which never worked.]. Meditating [which I already did] and waiting for the next “escape”. Instead I often yelled and was unreasonable with my kids. Work at the time WAS the escape. It was a time where I didn’t have to manage the kids, worry about cleaning the house or preparing the next meal or snack. I didn’t have to worry about being a “good” wife long distance and how I could do better. When I was at work, I was in my element. I was the expert and I thrived there. It was where I got to have conversation with people MY age and be intellectually stimulated. I got to problem solve peoples physical ailments and create treatment plans individual to them, that brought results. I didn’t know I could have a life where I didn’t need to escape from…. That my life could be the escape.

One thing I learned once I woke up from my accident, is that I HAD a whole community around me. When I started to be aware of just how many people cared, helped and came for my family when we couldn’t hold ourselves up…. I still get choked up from it because I didn’t have a clue. Old bosses and coworkers that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in years came and offered whatever they could. Fellow families that only knew of me and aware of what I had given previously came to pay it forward and support me this time, complete strangers. It was then that I truly realized how many seeds I had planted in peoples lives and how many people I had actually helped and influenced. It is truly a humbling experience.

The Glenrose Rehabilitation hospital taught me many tools that I was not aware of in helping me prepare for living back in society once I was released and how to prepare for a life that would be completely foreign to me. My psychologist for one…. My word he was tough. He didn’t take reasons/excuses. He pulled no punches and he gave me timelines, assignments and deadlines in order to keep myself moving forward while I was there. If I didn’t do my internal heart and head work…. He wouldn’t see me. “I’m not here for you to waste my time. There are others that need me that are willing to do what is required. You’re here for a short time and you either want this or you don’t. What do you choose?” That was only our first encounter! Or the time where he flat out told me I wasn’t behaving like a good mom and that Marleys dad was not behaving like a good dad! Talk about getting the air knocked out of you. Being there was no joke. What I did learn was that it was ok not to know how. I always liked to know the how, when, where and why before I ever moved forward with a decision. With this new life I was going to have to lead there would be none of that…. Just goals. Small attainable goals that I could just take one step towards even though I didn’t know how it was going to pan out. By creating two to three action steps every week. It gave me hope. It helped me to start “dreaming” again about having a life. It also helped me, in being responsible in the decisions I did make and if those decisions aligned with who I wanted to be in the future.

Another tool they taught me was how to schedule and manage my time. [I was not a person who over scheduled or was late all the time. In fact I was almost always on time for anything I did]. What they showed me though is how to plan my days so that I could take the stress off when something didn’t go right. Or when another event came up, I learned quickly how to determine what was important, what could wait and what was a waste of my time. When implemented correctly this helps with sticking to your boundaries, your values. Honouring your yes’s and your no’s because when you say yes to something, you say no to something and when you say no to something, your saying yes to something.

When I combined what they were teaching me with what I knew about movement, self healing and nutrition so the body heals rapidly I became a power house. I love helping people now, teaching them everything I know that is curated to their needs. I love coming a long side them and showing them that life can be better and helping them to achieve their own success. I love it what my clients all of a sudden have a realization that what once would have rattled them to their core and ripped their foundation apart, now just becomes a bump in the road. Sometimes my clients experience huge mountains that block their success, but because I have taught them how to implement these tools correctly according to their life, they look at their mountain and say “Hold my beer”. They do this because they HAVE discovered how to use each tool to its maximum capacity and I love hearing about their successes even once we have completed a coaching program. They are changed forever and they will never be that person who was defeated, feeling no hope, and not knowing how to enact change and hold onto that change again.

Lately I have been looking at my life of what my goals were before the accident and what they are now, there are so many similarities. I often think to “that which is greater”. I didn’t need this to ensure I stuck to those dreams and goals. I did not need to be shattered and family ripped apart in order to “get here.” It is easy for anger to start taking root and shaking my foundations I have worked so hard to build. Then I look at what is left of my little family. My girls have an impeccable story of their own, they are beautiful teens that understand exactly what grief is and when someone they know is hurting…. They know how to hold space for that person without the need to “fix” it or minimize it. The way they treat me is so different now because they know what it would be like to not have me around. I look at all the obstacles that were put in my way and still in my way and I know how not to be overwhelmed and stressed by the things I can not control. What this new life has created…. Is the ability to show others how to do it so they do not have to pave the road…. They just have to walk it. I am so grateful for that.

Jodi Harty. CHC, CLC, RMT, Reiki Master

www.elementsofwellness.org

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